Interpersonal Skills: What are they and how can I improve them?

Interpersonal skills are important from the initial stage of applying for a job, through the interview and recruitment process, right through to your long-term future career. They are sometimes called 'soft skills' or 'people skills' and in general, they determine how well you work with others. Some interpersonal skills are about yourself - such as timekeeping and temperament - whereas others dictate how you work in a team, such as your ability to listen to others and accept constructive criticism. Overall, they add up to describe your personality in a way that is not directly connected to the type of job you hold, but is more about the way you do that job. Employers value good interpersonal skills, especially if you will be working with others for a large part of your job, so it's important to identify your best interpersonal skills, any areas for improvement, and how to make sure you mention them in the correct way during the job application and interview process.

What are interpersonal skills?

A brief definition of interpersonal skills is "the ability to interact well with others", but this only begins to touch on their importance in the workplace. Good interpersonal skills allow you to build positive relationships with the people around you, and that can be valuable in several different ways:

• Working well with managers, contributing good ideas in an appropriate way and working towards promotion prospects.
• Collaborating with team members, communicating effectively, and making yourself heard without denying others a voice.
• Leading team members well, listening to concerns and acting on them in a positive way, and getting the best from your team.

As you move through your career, different interpersonal skills might come to the fore. For example, you're unlikely to need strong leadership skills for an entry-level role, but improving your ability to lead others could be crucial if you want to climb through the company hierarchy and take on more responsibility. You never stop improving your people skills. Every interaction - even a positive one - is a learning opportunity, and really effective communication is something you gain with experience. However, there are training courses that can help you to improve in the short term in areas where you feel like your skills are lacking. In some cases, your natural personality might mean you find certain soft skills more challenging than others. This is completely normal - nobody is innately skilled at every kind of interaction with the people around them. Knowing what you need to improve on is a good first step towards polishing your interactions, improving your communication and working better with your colleagues.

What are the key interpersonal skills?

The list of key people skills goes on and on, and there are some that are important only in certain jobs - for example, the ability to communicate well with people of a certain age group, or to explain technical topics in an understandable way. Here are some of the key interpersonal skills with the broadest reach, along with a summary of why they matter so much across many very different careers.

Adaptability

Flexibility will help you to cope with change and rise to challenges. If you find it difficult to deal with new developments, try to create coping strategies that allow you to adapt more effectively in future.

Empathy

Empathy is about understanding what those around you are thinking and feeling. If you know your Myers-Briggs personality type, that can give you an indication of how naturally aware you are of the people around you - and whether you need to work on this.

Leadership

Leadership skills come naturally to some people, while others find it harder to be assertive and instructive. Training courses can help, and experience will also allow you to find your own leadership style so you can get the best out of your subordinates.

Listening

Being a good listener gives you an advantage in the workplace, where it's essential to take in information from around you. We'll look below at 'active listening' as a way to improve your attention to instructions.

Motivation

Show yourself to be highly motivated and employers are likely to consider you a more valuable asset. Examples in this area often involve going above and beyond the call of duty due to your desire to get the job done.

Patience

All jobs can be stressful at times. Patience is the key to getting through stressful or frustrating situations without losing your cool - and that can be crucial to achieving the best possible outcome, even when things don't go to plan.

Reliability

Reliability ranges from getting to work on time, to deliver on the most ambitious objectives set for you. This is one area where it's often easier to give specific examples of prior achievements.

Responsibility

Employers appreciate responsible workers. In this area, perhaps you had to take on a more senior role at short notice in the past, or work autonomously due to a manager's unexpected absence.

Teamwork

As a catch-all term for working with others, teamwork can be hard to define but is also highly prized by employers. If you have specific examples of how your team exceeded expectations in the past, this can be a useful part of any job interview or application.

Why are they important?

Good interpersonal skills make it easier to work with other people, so if your future career path relies on teamwork, collaboration or leading subordinates, people skills will inevitably form a core part of your job description. But soft skills and communication matter the whole way through the employment process, from the application stage through to your future career prospects:

• In job applications and interviews, good social skills allow you to present yourself in a positive light and persuade employers that you are the best candidate for the vacancy.
• In a new job, interpersonal skills help you to settle in faster and integrate well with colleagues, who can offer you any support you need in your first few weeks.
• In progress reviews and promotion interviews, effective communication again allows you to put forwards a positive case for why you deserve a pay rise or a role with greater responsibility.
• As you climb the company hierarchy, good people skills allow you to manage subordinates effectively and achieve high levels of productivity and performance.
• Finally, if you work as a contractor or interim, interpersonal skills allow you to embed yourself quickly into a team and achieve your contracted goals without delays or difficulties.

These are just some examples of the importance of good interpersonal skills in different types of workplace. Best of all, they are transferable skills - what you learn in one job, you can apply in many more completely different roles, with ongoing benefits for your career.

How can you improve them?

Experience is an important part of improving interpersonal skills, but if you are at the start of your career, that doesn't mean you have to wait years to become better in any areas where you currently think you are lacking. First of all, be aware of how you collaborate and communicate. If you find people respond to you in a certain way, try to think about what you do to produce that response. Do you communicate clearly? Are you cynical or pessimistic a lot of the time? Do you listen to others and speak up when you have something to say? Most people have certain soft skills that they are already good at, and others where there is room for improvement. For example, you might perform well with written instructions, but struggle to remember verbal instructions. Sometimes you can improve your skills by, for example, paying more attention. In other situations, you might need to find a coping mechanism, such as taking more notes during phone calls and meetings. Here are five ways to improve interpersonal skills, most of which can be applied no matter what discipline you find yourself working in:

Active Listening

There's a big difference between hearing and listening. The more active you are during a meeting or phone call, the better your retention will be. Stay engaged by keeping eye contact and using non-verbal responses like nodding your head. If it helps, repeat important points back out loud, to reinforce them in your memory and show the speaker you are listening.

Positive Attitude

Optimism is a good way to work towards more positive outcomes. Don't dwell on negatives - find solutions to them. Don't let personal feelings cloud your professional judgment, or prevent you from working with a colleague you don't connect with on a personal level. Try to recognise the good things about your job and how to focus on them for the future.

Stay Calm

Sometimes emotion has a role to play in the workplace, but generally speaking it's more professional to look at things objectively, even if they affect you directly. Learn to recognise but also to control your emotions - deep breathing and counting techniques can help you to keep calm in a crisis, which is a useful skill in more senior roles.

Appreciate Others

Interpersonal skills by definition involve other people, so don't assume you have to be the hero. Learn to work as part of a team, and even to appreciate when other people have skills that you lack. When you're working for a company, it's more important to achieve positive results together than to deliver them singlehandedly - unless that's part of your job description.

Stay Connected

Keep communication open with the people around you. That includes colleagues who are physically located in the same room as you, but also those who are not - homeworkers, external contractors and co-workers from other departments. By staying connected on an ongoing basis, it's easier to ask for help when you need it, whether on a company project or when you need advice on achieving your next personal career goal.

How to include interpersonal skills in a job application

Employers rightly value interpersonal skills, so you should make sure you highlight any areas in which you feel you excel. Showing an awareness of the importance of people skills can be useful on its own, even without taking into account any specific experience or training courses you may have under your belt. Here are several ways to incorporate interpersonal skills into your job application:

On your CV

Include 2-3 of the most relevant interpersonal skills on your CV. If you have a separate Skills section, you can put them in there along with specific technical skills. Alternatively, you could mention soft skills in bullet points in your Career History, under the past employment position where you picked those skills up or put them into practice. Give specific examples where possible, as soft skills are quite abstract by nature. Try to keep it to just a few skills - there's often a temptation to list every imaginable skill from communication, to teamwork, to leadership. Prioritise those most relevant to the role, and which you have the strongest examples of from your career so far.

On your cover letter

Cover letters are generally quite short, but it can be appropriate to include just one or two examples of interpersonal skills you think are particularly relevant. Because your cover letter includes full sentences, it's a chance to be slightly more explanatory than in your CV, which is typically more brief and may be in a bullet point format. You could highlight positive feedback you received from past employers, e.g. if you applied your soft skills in a way that helped your team to progress beyond a difficult situation, or if you displayed strong leadership credentials during a time of change. Again, make sure the skills you highlight are highly relevant to the role you are applying for.

In the interview

Finally, apply your interpersonal skills during your job interview. That means all the usual basics like arriving on time, looking the part, maintaining eye contact with the interviewer and so on. It also means listening attentively to the interview questions, to make sure you answer the question in the way it was asked. You can decide whether to mention transferable skills within your interview answers. It's often a good idea to do so, if you think the interviewer will be interested in your past experiences, or you think your soft skills show you in a positive light. Focus on your strengths and consider mentioning how you improved in your previous employment, as this shows you value people skills and have the awareness to develop them yourself over time.